joyNkisses's Xanga

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Sat, 16 May 2009 15:14:34 GMT

so i woke up this morning to my mom talking on the phone with her brother in canada... his wife recently offered me a job over there to look after their daycare while they live in cali for a while... i was excited about taking the offer but my dad thought it might not be a good idea to do it alone in case of any legal issues. he was right. so i pretty much thought that i wasn't going to take the job. then i found out that my aunt offered it to my other aunt, who accepted. so i thought, maybe i can just work there in august with her and then come back to jersey to teach in sept. but last week my mom told me that my aunt actually gave the job to another lady... so that plan was shot. so this morning i hear her talking and i keep hearing my name throughout her conversation... turns out that she was telling my uncle to just give the daycare to my aunt and that i would move there to help if he did. so i'm going to say that it's pretty certain that i'm moving to canada for a while. maybe until april of next year. all i'm waiting for is my aunt's approval, an official job offer, then when i get there i need to apply for a working visa. it's kind of crazy because i had it set in my mind already that i wasn't going there. well, i guess i still don't know yet. and it's really all up to God to open the doors and make it work out. if it does happen... 1. my dad will be upset. haha. he doesn't really want me far away from him. =p and 2. i will so miss my church. it's been an amazing year since i graduated of just serving and being involved in ministries. 3. i won't be taking care of my little chunks anymore. =/
so for now, the "plan" is to go there in august and stay until the end of april. go to liberty for my graduation. take a tesol class. go to korea for the summer to teach English. find a sp. ed. job in canada for '10 fall. most likely, knowing how my life has turned out now, this probably won't happen. haha.
in the midst of all this planning, i know it is God who will lead me to where i should be...
Proverbs 16:9- A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:16:31 GMT

i really need to catch up, but i have lost all motivation.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 03:33:30 GMT

sometimes i get so caught up with everything happening in my own world that i forget that there is a much bigger world out there. i forget that my world is so small compared to the one that God calls me to reach out to, the one full of people going through much harder trials, of people who worry about how they will get the next day's meals or if their house will be bombed, instead of what they should wear or what restaurant they should eat at, of people who have lost loved ones and continue to see death in their communities each day, of people crying out and yearning for a Savior... there's so much more out there...

oh dear God, this world is too big, and my world is too small, for me to be so caught up in myself that i neglect the needs of other's. i am too blessed to live like that. help me not to forget...

Monday, January 19, 2009

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 03:41:01 GMT

beautiful letdown.

i don't belong here.

can't wait to leave this place. but until then i will continue to do what God wants me to do, by His grace alone.

i won't be satisfied until i see You face to face.

my heart is yearning...

why i shouldn't lust

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:24:41 GMT

so i'm usually not into technology or anything, but lately i've been lusting after and saving up for one. it's the only thing that i've really wanted really badly. i thought ipods, mp3 players, psp's, and ds's were nice but didn't really care for them. someone did get me a shuffle for my birthday, i have a dell that i got 3 years ago, i have a canon digital camera, and a prepaid cellphone. i'm very grateful for all of it and i use all of them pretty much everyday. but they were not things that i really wanted. or worked to get. but this... is serious. an obsession almost. haha.

isn't it lovely? everything you need (mostly want) in one little hand-held beauty.

so i was doing a good job of saving up. i was going to go to best buy to get one, but decided to wait until after Thanksgiving. but then certain events happened this week that decreased my desire to buy it:

1. i usually research what i want to buy. i researched my laptop and my camera. i researched the psp that i bought for my cousin. and i researched the iphone. some drawbacks: short battery life, no picture messages, no video. that's not bad at all. so i was convinced. i neeeed to get this phone! but then i read an article which basically informed me that if i am ineligible for an upgrade from att, have poor credit (i don't have any credit), don't already own an iphone, and want unlimited text messaging, i could be paying almost $2,000!!!! for a two-year contract. that is ridiculous considering how much i make. is it really worth it? a part of me thinks so, but that's the lusting, non-practical side of me.

2. i realized that there are other, more important things to pay for. weekly things- gas and food. monthly- tuition, books, and weekend trips to virginia. end of year- a week in virginia. and my parents are celebrating their anniversary. can't leave my mom to pay for all of that... and i'd also like to fly to chicago for a week in jan.

3. i am an idiot. so i've driven to the city once before, to watch a random concert with some friends. for some reason i like to think that driving there saves me money. well that time, it cost me $40 just for parking!!! compare that to $14 for commuting. so this saturday i had to use the library for a research paper. mid-manhattan library happens to have an extensive section just for education. it was too cold to commute and it was the weekend so parking is free right. so i decided to drive. finding parking took forever but i finally found a spot. walked to the library and it took me less than an hour to find what i needed. as i was walking back to my car, this is what i found...

it's these random, unplanned expenses that make it harder to save and make me not want to buy one. so much for free parking! =(

i guess i'll just keep waiting...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:42:45 GMT

random...as i wait for laundry...
-there's a chipotle grill in secaucus now. that is perfect.
-these next two weeks will be like summer again.
-this is my third class and i'm starting to get sick of school again! maybe it's the boring subject that i'm learning...
-i have to go to the city this weekend just to use the library! maybe i'll drive since parking is free.
-i really want an iphone.
-the blueberry muffins i baked yesterday were surprisingly good.
-i am obsessed with parfaits.
-hope new people come for movie night tomorrow. we're showing expelled.
-my research paper is due next week and i have no topic and no motivation to start it.
-i haven't been working on my group project. i'm sure the rest of my group hasn't been either.
-kyle turns 13 today. i can't believe that. i am so old.
-i love my church and being a part of all the ministries. it's exciting and humbling.
-God is my provider. He has given me more than what i need. for that i am thankful.
-i wonder what happened to solomon and what led to his downfall.
-i need to read about 8 books, 3 for school and 5 for fun. i also need to finish the OT.
-i hope the harrisburg perkins didn't lie about sending my glasses. it's been a month and they're still not here.
-mom is an amazing gift from God.
-why is the right thing to do often the hardest thing to do?
-God's love for us should be reflected in our relationships with others. how do i love my friends?
-my laundry is done.

---

rowan- heard about what happened. i hope you are okay. i will be praying for you. keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason, even senseless acts like that one. keep trusting God for all of your needs. stay strong.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 03:47:04 GMT

so i watched a movie tonight about a man who cheated on his wife and what she did to get back at him. pretty interesting... i was wondering what a person would really do if they found out their spouse was cheating on them. what if they found out by looking through their things? would it be okay to address it even though it was wrong to go through their things? what if one of the children found out? what should he/she do?

kind of random i guess. but it's scary to think that something like that could happen to anyone. i'd say that it happens to about 50% of couples, whether or not they're married, and whether or not it is physical or emotional infidelity. i wonder how many families actually break up for this reason and how many stay together despite it... it almost makes a person skeptical about getting into a relationship or getting married...

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 06:07:18 GMT

i think more and more people have a distorted view of what it means to be in the ministry. if we're out to have some sort of self-gain, then we're in it for the wrong reasons. there should be nothing in us that should want to profit from serving. it is all purely about Jesus Christ and others. nothing of ourselves. some people think that because we serve and because we're involved, we should have some kind of rights... right to be justified in what we do, right to have a say in what goes on, right to change things we want to change, right to our freedoms. just because we serve does not mean that we should be entitled to those rights. just because we are doing God's work, doesn't mean that all will be fair (from our perspective). we will always have oppositions and things happen that we won't agree with 100% or at all. does that mean that, just because our feelings were hurt, just because someone offended us, just because we don't agree with a little part of the ministry, that we should become bitter against people, think about quitting the ministry, step down from it, or tell other people all the negative things that we feel or think so that they can join in on our little pity-party? and we have a right to feel this way because it is our ministry, because we've invested so much in it that we deserve to get something back? most of the time our views on ministries are tainted by what we think about the people involved, whether or not we like them or agree with what they are doing. they are influenced by our own biases and self-pride. they are clouded by negative perspectives based on personal feelings and hear-say. well if this is what the ministry is about now, then we are in big trouble. have we forgotten Paul's beseechings to the early churches of being unified and having one faith, one love, one mind? does it not move us any more that one of Christ's last prayers, before giving His life to die on the cross for our sins and to take our penalty, was that of believers being unified? He prayed for a church that did not yet exist. He prayed for believers who were not even born. He prayed for the very ones who put Him on that cross. He prayed for the ones He knew would betray Him and deny Him. He knew that the one thing believers would need to accomplish His purpose here on earth was unity. being one in His name, for His cause, and for His glory alone. has anyone ever wondered why He didn't pray that the believers have more faith, more love, more power, more fruit, more growth, more anything??? instead He prayed for a church united. why? because a united church will produce all of the above. a united body will produce more faith, more love, more patience, more growth. Paul puts it in the most understandable terms when he compares the body of Christ with that of the human body. no one part can function alone, without the help of other members. and if all the parts were wanting to do their own thing, how can anything at all be accomplished? how can we eat, breathe, walk, talk, or pump blood, if our mouths, tongues, stomachs, lungs, legs, heart, and brain were not cooperating? the same is true with the church. we cannot function the way God intends for us to without our members being united. and what should we be united in? the ministry. ministries is what makes up the church. the ministry of preaching, teaching, music, evangelizing, discipleship, and reaching out. all of our acts of service can fall into any type of ministry. if a church is divided in one area of ministry, that ministry will not be as fruitful and therefore some part of the church will suffer. if members of one ministry are in disagreement about that ministry, that would be a big problem. going back to my earlier point, the ministry is not about anything that we can do or offer to Christ. it is about Him being glorified (and all that that idea encompasses). when we think that it is anything more than that, we are on dangerous ground and should consider stepping down for a short time or re-evaluate our reasons for serving and being in the ministry in the first place. when we start to let what other people think, say, and do affect how we view our service to God, we need to re-think and re-focus ourselves on the real reason. people are easily affected by the one-sided stories that they hear, their thinking gets clouded by all of those negative comments, and once they are confronted with the real story, they are so caught up in all of their mis- and preconceptions that they don't want to believe what is really true. the sad thing is that this could almost be considered as common in churches today, thus the disunity, the church splits, and the bitter attitudes that far too many Christians carry with them. here's the bottom line: we have no right to declare that what happens in the ministry is unfair to us if we are too blind to accept the truth in the first place. when we serve, our hearts and minds should not be cluttered by the things of this world, whatever it may be. the writer of Hebrews, does not just give us a suggestion or an idea if maybe we feel like it, when he makes a declarative statement, "Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us." it is imperative that we do this if we want to serve God in the right way. there should never be hindrances, distractions, partiality, pride, or any negative feelings. service to God is just that. it is the act of being a servant to God. not to man, not to my pastor, not to my family, not to my friends, not to my fellow church members, not to society. it is to God, first, foremost, and solely to God. and out of that will come our service to others. if we can always see it this way, then all those other situations should not affect our service. because we do not serve for them. we serve for our Savior. shall we put to shame what Jesus Christ did here on earth? shall we ignore what the Bible teaches in order to make ourselves feel better and get what we think we deserve from our so-called service? shall we make it in vain that His one purpose was to do the Father's will in all things- His birth, His life, His death, His resurrection, and His service? don't we think that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit grieve when They see Their children serving with selfish intentions, the church not unified, and our ideas of ministry distorted? it grieves Their hearts probably more than seeing an unrepentant sinner. why? because after all the Christ has done for us, all we can offer Him is this kind of service...
serve God because He is worthy, because He is God, not for any other reason.
i end with this song by hillsong united:
"Desperate People"

You cross the great divide, You took our place
You offered up Your life, for we have failed
The veil was torn and love remained
You are holy Lord

Distraction costs us, how we seek Your face
We offer up our lives to bring You praise
A love the walls cannot contain
You are holy Lord

We're rising up in spirit and in truth
A living sacrifice we worship You
People undivided Lord hear us sing
We are Yours and You are our King

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

We didn't come to leave here entertained
Or worship under any other name
We're crying out for You alone
You are holy Lord

We're rising up in spirit and in truth
A living sacrifice we worship You
People undivided Lord hear us sing
We are Yours and You are our king

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

Show us the way to Your heart
We found our voice
We found our cause
We're on our knees, the carpet's worn
We join our hearts
With distant shores, sing to You Lord

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase your heart

Friday, October 03, 2008

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:03:36 GMT

my projected class schedule for the next two years... (if all goes according to plan, of course God's plan )

2008
jun 23-aug 15--- EDUC 500 Advanced Educational Psychology

aug 18-oct 10--- EDUC 521 Foundations of Exceptionality

oct 20-dec 12--- EDUC 518 Understanding Educational Research and Assessment

dec 29-jan 2---- EDUC 622 Educational Assessment and Intervention (intensive)

2009
jan 23-apr 24--- EDUC 504 Historical and Philosophical Foundations of Education (weekend intensives)

jan 12-mar 6---- EDUC 524 Collaborating for Successful Inclusive Classrooms

mar 16- may 8-- EDUC 525 Collaborating for Successful Transitions

oct 19- dec 11-- EDUC 530 Teaching Mathematics

dec 28-jan 1---- EDUC 623 Principles of Behavior Management (intensive)

2010
jan 11- mar 5--- EDUC 554 Reading and Language Acquisition

june 14-aug 13-- EDUC 571 Curriculum Fundamentals

sept- dec------- EDUC 590 Student Teaching

2011
may------------ Graduation

Friday, September 26, 2008

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:04:10 GMT

my dad's leaving again...